I Can Feel You All Around Me
by KagsChann
Summary: A Three Part of Ichigo and Renji's need to be with one another. was once a series of OneShots. Yaoi. IchigoxRenji
1. Burning I'm Not Used to Seeing You

**Burning (I'm Not Used to Seeing You)**

**Summary: **Ichigo and Renji are best friends, but Renji wants so much more than that. Will Ichigo push him away? Or invite him into the dream that they have both dreamt.

**---Renji---**

Renji lay in his bed, wondering to himself about all the things he wanted, and everything that he had. He was swarmed with many mind-consuming thoughts, one consuming him more than any of the others.

Ichigo Kurosaki was one of those things that Renji wished he had, but in reality, couldn't have. No matter how wrong, or how right it would feel, it would be impossible to think that it would be allowed.

It would be both shameful, and Renji thought to himself that he would regret anything more than the friendship that they already have. He thought to himself how lucky he was that they were even friends at the least, and maybe he should just keep it that way instead of pushing it.

Sighing, Renji rolled onto his bare stomach, hands flat on the pillows as his arms were bent and legs were straight. Sleep was something Renji knew he wouldn't get tonight, which would result in one of those drugged out days when he would have to go to school.

He lay there with his eyes wide open, and his lips parted as he moved them. It was like he was trying to say something into the empty room, but no words fell from his lips.

He just couldn't say anything.

What could he do other than think about Ichigo and wish that they could be together in the most forbidden way possible? Nothing else made him feel as anxious as he did now. Nothing could be wanted more by him.

Renji tried closing his eyes several times, tried drifting off into a deep slumber, but every time, he would see that bright orange hair, and those deep, chocolate colored eyes. The pale skin that showed no source of tan, not even at the least bit, it haunted him altogether. He couldn't get the images out of his mind.

All the images that he wished would become a reality.

**-.-.-.-**

Time to go. Renji thought to himself as he crawled out of his bed and slumped. His hands cupped his face, rubbing his eyes that lacked the much needed sleep, and his mouth opened wide, letting out a loud yawn.

He trudged into his master bathroom, and flipped on the light. The cold marble floor felt more like ice than it usually did, and he shuddered slightly.

Slowly, he made his way over to the shower and pulled open the slide-door. Renji used a free hand and turned on only the hot water to the shower. The water came down like rain, torrents of heat that would hopefully wash away his exhaustion.

The male pealed himself of his pajamas then, and grabbed himself a towel before stepping into the overly-large shower. He hissed at the heat, but then sighed when the feeling adapted to his skin. It was a burning that he felt almost everyday of his life, the exact match to what he felt when he saw Ichigo.

Renji placed both hands on the shower wall, underneath the head that still put forth water to wash his body. He dropped his head in between his shoulders, breathing in and out at a steady pace.

The thoughts returned to him like a bullet to his chest, and he pursed his lips until they were a thin line.

Renji was soon trembling underneath the water, and he felt himself almost unable to breathe. Ichigo was all that he thought about, and it was so over-bearing that Renji wanted to scream. But he couldn't.

The thoughts were a little more intense this time… the fantasies that Renji had hoped would never come back to him… at least not at a time like this.

His arms flexed and hands turned into fists along the wall. Renji felt like he had lost all feeling in his calves, and it reached up to his legs. Electricity seemed to shoot through his being, and he gasped when he turned the water completely on cold.

It was like piercing needles, cutting into him, and kept him frozen in the spot he stood at. Why did he have to be left with these thoughts all the time?

They were a burden in his heart… but at the same time, it was the sweet release that he had always wanted.

Having Ichigo there with him all the time… well, it would be more than Renji could ask for. He wouldn't need anything else as long as he had that.

Everything paled in comparison to having Kurosaki.

**---Ichigo---**

It was the middle of first class, and Ichigo was sitting at his desk, nearly falling asleep from exhaustion. He, himself, hadn't gotten any sleep either. Save the hour that he managed somehow in between his raging thoughts.

The orange-haired male couldn't focus on the lesson that the teacher was speaking, in fact, everything she said was like a distant mumble that he couldn't comprehend.

His head wouldn't quit bobbing up and down, and elbows were slipping from underneath him, it was annoying and every time, Ichigo would elicit a groan. He couldn't fall asleep so close to final exams, but it was so damn hard, that it was the only thing he could do.

Maybe if he didn't stay up all night thinking about...

Ichigo rose his head then, eyes glancing around the room for the familiar redhead that he called his best friend. He saw no signs of Renji Abarai, and it hit him. His stomach turned and clenched, as he set his eyes on his other friends that sat in a group, laughing and chatting.

Orihime Inoue, Tatsuki Arisawa, and Uryuu Ishida looked happier than normal together, ever since Orihime and Uryuu decided to be an item.

Ichigo eyed them in envy, wishing that he could be happy and laughing with them, but he couldn't think to walk over there.

He was a little preoccupied at the moment, now thinking about Renji, and wondering where he could possibly be.

The two had been close, but that hadn't really happened when they first met one another. At first, things were a little rough, and they always fought over practically nothing. They were the last two guys that people thought would become such good friends in the end.

But they did, and they hung out all the time. Maybe a little more than Ichigo had wanted.

Lately, he had been thinking about Renji more than usual. He had been overwhelmed with thoughts of just being around him no matter what part of the day, and no matter where. Just to be near him, to Ichigo, would be something greater than just seeing him at school and sometimes other times.

But why was Ichigo having these thoughts? Why did he always want to be with his best friend?

Another loud bit of laughter came from the group a few feet away from Ichigo, and he once again looked over at them with a small frown. He turned his head several times, but always he kept his eyes mostly on the group.

Tatsuki Arisawa caught sight of Ichigo doing this, and tilted her head to the side. She turned to Orihime, touching her shoulder and then whispering something into her ear. Orihime gave Ichigo a questioning look from where she stood and then smiled raising her arm to wave at him in a friendly gesture.

Ichigo turned his head away before she got the chance, still frowning, now with his hands tightened into fists and eyes closed.

Uryuu voiced something to his girlfriend, who shook her head and shrugged. Orihime said one last thing to Tatsuki, before the short dark-haired girl made her way over to the older male and sat in a desk next to him.

Tatsuki moved the desk only a few inches closer to Ichigo's, patting the desk with her hand as he opened his brown eyes and glared at her.

She smiled only slightly, but sighed when Ichigo shook his head and looked the other way, as to avoid her.

"What's your deal, Ichigo?"

He huffed, hands untightening for only a moment. They tightened again in an instant, and Ichigo stood from his seat. He looked back at Tatsuki, rubbing his mouth with his index finger, "Nothing." He bit harshly.

Tatsuki stood too, stepping in front of him, "Something has got to be wrong. You keep looking at our group and then looking away. Do you want to come sit with us?"

"No."

"Then what-"

Ichigo waved his arm and interrupted her, "Why do you care?"

"Ichigo, you're being a little immature about this. I just wanted to make sure that you were okay, you didn't have to snap at me. What the hell, man?"

"Damn..." Ichigo sighed then, looking at the floor before sitting himself back in the chair and cupping his face in his hands. He grit his teeth, fingertips making little indentions into his cheeks. "Sorry, Tatsuki. I just haven't been sleeping well."

Tatsuki hummed, "Then why don't you go home?"

"Can't."

"How come?"

That was a good question. Ichigo could leave at any time that he wanted as long as he checked himself out, so why didn't he just get up and leave?

Renji. That was why.

"I... Just can't."

**---Renji---**

It was an hour later than Renji had hoped, and he would most definitely be late getting to first class. If he _even_ made it there. He would have to come up with some lame excuse to tell the teacher the next day. Renji rolled his eyes and sighed, pulling the keys to his car out from his back pocket.

With his thumb, he unlocked the doors automatically, opening the door and sliding into the sleek-black automobile. It smelled much like vanilla, thanks to Rangiku and Ikkaku, who thought it best that his car smell better than the scent of a _new_ car.

People, Renji thought to himself, starting up the car with a single motion and then backing out of the driveway to head to school.

He was stopped by countless red lights... and all of them lasted at least three minutes. Much longer than any normal red light. But then again, this was Kurakara, not the best place for anything.

Renji's fingers drummed along the steering wheel, and he turned the radio on the rock station, volume up almost too loud, but yet, too low. He sang to the current song as it played in his ears, and couldn't help but close his eyes for a moment and think.

There it was, those thoughts again, of Ichigo Kurosaki.

Renji flinched to himself, opening his eyes immediately to take the image out of his brain and focus.

The car behind of him was honking on their horn. Renji turned his body and flipped them off. He yelled something out at them afterwards, and then sped off towards the school.

**---Ichigo---**

It was the tenth sigh he let out in two minutes, and he looked down the hall for any signs of the redhead. His hopes were up at their highest, but he knew they would get shot down if he didn't see Renji before the next class. He was an hour and a half late, and it was unusual for Renji to be so late without warning anyone. Surely he would have to come eventually.

Both Orihime and Uryuu stood around the orange-haired male, holding one another close and leaning for kisses every so often.

Ichigo just rolled his eyes at them, a smug frown creeping up onto his lips as he groaned. Why did he have to be around them… at least they were with the one that they wanted.

Ichigo wanted someone that he couldn't have. It would be something people would judge, and would be shameful in all possible ways. But why did Ichigo even care about that? All he wanted was Renji.

It was about that time that Ichigo spotted the tall redhead walking slowly down the hall, holding his bag on his shoulder and looking at the floor. His face looked tired, and ponytail looked like it had been put up while Renji was driving.

Ichigo felt a smile inhabit his face, and felt a sort of relief that the older male had came to school. Ichigo wouldn't have known what to do if he didn't get to see…

That face that was now looking up at him and staring.

**---Renji---**

Renji was stopped in his tracks at the sight of Ichigo Kurosaki standing in the hallway next to both Orihime and Uryuu. He swallowed hard and grasped his shirt collar. It felt like it was choking him, and Renji lost all of his breath when he saw a smile across the orange-haired male's lips.

It was the most _beautiful_ thing that Renji had even seen.

He wanted to walk forwards, but all Renji could do at the moment is stand there and stare at him. Looking at his pale face and that outrageous hair of his that framed over his brown eyes and around his ears. Renji's heart pounded as the thoughts he had earlier consumed him once more. He swallowed several times, wanting so much for them to become a reality, knowing they might not. That only made moving harder for him.

Ichigo was staring at him, and that was the point… and the interest in the boys eyes was like what Renji saw in his dreams. Could it be that Ichigo felt the same about him that he felt for Ichigo?

No… Renji thought…. He was hallucinating.

Gaining enough courage to actually move, Renji rose an arm and waved at his best friend. Ichigo slowly registered and waved back at him, the smile still there with a light pink blush that invaded his cheeks.

It was going to be okay…

**---With the group Ichigo and Renji---**

"Hey Renji." Orihime greeted when the redheaded male joined the group, walking almost uneasily to stand next to Ichigo and smile.

He nodded at the shorter girl, raising his hand to her and then clearing his throat, "Hey. Sorry I'm late."

"It's unusual for you to be late for school, especially this close to the end of the semester."

Renji nodded in agreement, stuffing his hands into his pockets. He resisted the urge to look down at Ichigo.

"I had some… complications, you could say."

Uryuu pushed his glasses up on his nose and knit his brows, only one arm around Orihime this time. He looked up at Renji, "Is everything okay?"

How would he answer _that_ question?

"Everything is fine." Renji assured him. He finally gave a glance down at Ichigo, only to meet his eyes that were also looking at him, but almost longingly. Renji has to suppress the blush that threatened to inhabit his tanned cheeks. He merely rubbed his cheeks and looked away, heart pounding more and stomach flipping around like mad.

"I-I better go tell um… my first class teacher… about my um… complica- Yeah. Later guys, s-see you in class Ichi…go…"

**-.-.-.-**

Renji came into class with a tardy, stumbling in with his books and embarrassing himself in front of the whole class. He looked around uncomfortably, rubbing the back of his neck all the way over to the desk that was next to Ichigo.

He hitched in a breath when he saw that the male was looking at him with a curious look on his face. He then smiled slightly and sat down, breathing out a breath of exhaustion.

"You look terrible, you know."

Renji turned to his friend and cocked his head to the side, "Thanks?"

"I wasn't trying to be mean. I meant that you just look like you didn't sleep well last night."

"Yeah, I haven't been able to sleep lately. You don't look so hot either. Are you alright?"

Ichigo nodded, smiling a little at Renji. The pounding in Renji's chest returned like a raging drum, and he rubbed his chest nervously.

"Just been doing some thinking. You?"

"U-um… same here."

"Ah." he breathed, pulling one corner of his lip upwards and twirling his thumbs, "So, you wanna eat lunch with me today? I'm gonna go buy something, I think."

Renji, once more, swallowed, "Where ya thinking about going?"

"Hum…" Ichigo shrugged, "Maybe that little restaurant that has the chicken biscuits across the street. I really like their food."

"Yeah, I think it's called Blanchers." chuckle, "Rukia won't go with you? Or maybe Uryuu and Orihime..?"

He shook his head with a small sad look on his face and then cleared his throat, "Just kinda wanted to eat with just you. Is that okay?"

The blush arrived over his cheeks, "S-sure…" Renji answered, shaking his head and then looking away to the teacher that had begun the lesson.

It was a chance for Renji's dreams to become a reality.


	2. This Fire Rising Through My Being

**This Fire (Rising Through My Being)**

**Summary: **The sequel to Burning (I'm Not Used to Seeing You). After going to lunch with Renji, Ichigo's feelings become stronger and so much that he can't take it. Will he finally tell Renji?

_Ichigo sat across the table from Renji, tapping his fingers along the bright yellow cup that read, "Blanchers" across the whole side, sort of in a diagonal slant. He eyed the cup with his deep brown eyes, the colors making his head hurt and eyes narrow._

_Renji ate slowly his rice from a small cup, and occassionally moved his eyes from it to Ichigo. He couldn't quit staring, and if he didn't cut it out, he would be caught. Renji just sighed heavily, swallowing a large bite from the fork that he held almost to breaking point. Being around Ichigo so close made him shift nervously._

_Ichigo looked up at Renji then, and cocked his head to the side, "What?"_

_"Hummm?" Renji jumped, hearing the male's voice. "Um... what do you mean what?"_

_Ichigo shook his head and looked down at his cup again, "Thought you said something... Sorry."_

_"Oh."_

**-.-.-.-**

Ichigo had went home, after lunch with Renji. He faked out a stomach ache, and had checked himself out before third class started. That meant he left Renji alone at school, and Ichigo felt guilty after leaving him with no real explanation.

The orange-haired male fell upon his small, twin-sized bed, arms and legs sprawled over it, and feet dangling along the edges. He buried his face into the over-sized pillow, wanting to close his eyes and fall asleep. But he knew that wouldn't happen.

All the while, his heart felt like it would explode, beating so fast that it left him nearly breathless. Ichigo clenched his teeth together... now a real stomach ache was coming.

Everything that he had planned on telling Renji while they were at lunch had been forgotten. All that thought, and he didn't even get one word out. He wanted to tell Renji how he really felt, and wanted him to understand that he didn't know why he always had these thoughts.

Ichigo wanted to let him know that he wanted Renji in every way possible... but he had probably just missed the opportunity.

"Ichigo?" came the voice that slipped the male out of his thoughts. "Ichigo... are you okay?"

**---Renji---**

Third class was one of the slowest classes that Renji had, and without Ichigo, it only went that much slower. Not to mention, he was starting to feel the lack of sleep creep up on him, and he wanted to pass out.

He looked around the room with his tired eyes, mouth covered with his fists as he looked at the teacher, who was talking to a student. Renji wondered what they were talking about, but then averted his eyes over to where he saw Toushiro Hitsugaya and Ikkaku Madarame speaking and passing notes. He also wondered what they were talking about.

Ever since he came back from lunch with Ichigo, it was like Renji felt every one was hearing all of his thoughts. Like he was being watched and it made him want to scream out for all of them to leave him alone.

He wanted to know why Ichigo had went home... cause he knew that the stomach ache he told the nurse about was no where near real.

Renji just scowled behind of his fists, eyes sliding closed slowly. Maybe he could get a little sleep before he went home, if he could, that is.

"Yo, Ren." a loud voice called, making Renji's eyes open, and his head to turn to the other side of the room. where Ikkaku looked at him and waved, "You look a little down."

"...so what?" Renji mumbled, only low enough for himself to hear, and he saw that Hitsugaya and Ikkaku were making their way over to him.

Dammit, he thought.

"What was that?"

"I said so what."

"Where's Ichig-"

"Dunno."

"But you were wi-"

"I. Don't. Know... okay?" Renji glared at Ikkaku with his eyes now darker than normal. He turned himself away from the two, shaking his head. He knew where Ichigo was, but it wasn't with him and Renji twitched at the thought that maybe Ichigo was avoiding him. Maybe Ichigo knew what Renji felt for him and was disgusted by it.

No, that would hurt Renji... but why would that matter? All of those thoughts were forbidden, right?

"Well... I heard that you two went to Blanchers and he left because he had a stomach ache." Hitsugaya pointed out, hitting the nail on the head and making Renji flinch inwardly. He wanted to go home too, but knew he couldn't... not after being so late for school.

"Why does it matter?" Renji bit, closing his eyes, "Does it matter that he went home with a damn stomach ache? What are you thinking..." he looked at them, "that it's _my_ fault?"

Hitsugaya glared at him a little bit, and shook his head, "What is the matter with you? Getting all pissed over nothing."

"Just get the hell out of my face." Renji growled. He turned his head back down to his desk and closed his eyes tight, hands showing his knuckles white.

Ikkaku and Hitsugaya exchanged looks to one another, mumbling something that Renji could barely hear. But it didn't matter, he had probably just ruined the secret now anyways.

**---Ichigo---**

"Rukia? What are you doing here?" Ichigo questioned, sitting up on his bed and eyeing the dark-haired girl.

She sat on the side of his bed, pulling the hem of her dress down a little over her knees and then smiling at him gently. The look on her face was innocent, but she also looked a little concerned for her friend.

Ichigo knit his brows togther, still awaiting the answer to his question. He slid himself next to her, "Hey... what's the matter, Rukia?"

"Something is going on with you, i can tell." She voiced low, looking away from Ichigo and twirling her index finger around a small part of the lace that covered her dress. She blushed a little as well, and it puzzled Ichigo.

"What do you-"

"Tell me what it is, please?" Her eyes glistened when she looked back up at him and her lips trembled slightly, as if she were about to cry. Ichigo blinked at seeing this, and wrapped his arm around her. She winced, "Y-you can tell me anything."

"I just had a stomach ache... Rukia... are you okay?" His hand shook her shoulder.

Rukia shook her head, "Do you like me, Ichigo? Or is there someone else?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I like you, Ichigo, but i can tell that you don't like me too. Remember when i told you that i thought that we could go out?"

Ichigo blinked several times this time and dropped his arm from Rukia's small body. He brought a hand to his forehead and rubbed it... Now he was getting a headache.

_"Ichigo..."_

_"Yes, Rukia?" Ichigo smiled, holding an icecream cone to his lips and lapping his tongue at it slowly. The little girl beside of him was blushing a light pink shade, and she carried a smile of her own. Her face was brightened by the afternoon sunlight, and she looked so beautiful at that moment._

_"What do you think about me and you going out?"_

_Ichigo stopped eating and blushed himself, "I don't... know... What about you?"_

_"I think we could go out..." she looked down, giggling a little bit._

"What does that have to do with-"

Rukia stood from the bed and shook her head frantically. Her small hands wiped away small tears from her eyes and she stumbled over her cries, "I can tell that you like someone else."

Ichigo felt her last sentence burn through his whole being and he swallowed hard. He hurt for her tears, and wanted to take her into his arms, but every time, he would think about him... Renji.

"Rukia."

"Please... just tell me who it is... I won't tell anyone... I promise, Ichigo. I just want to know so maybe i won't be so-" she was crying now, "I just wanted it to be me."

"Rukia, I don't know what-" he stood too, and wrapped his arms all the way around Rukia, pulling her close to his chest and then lifting her head up to look at him.

Her eyes were swollen and red, and the tears kept falling constantly. How could he try to console her when she wouldn't stop crying?

"Ruk...ia..." he groaned, then leaning in and pressing their lips together and kissing her.

**---Renji---**

It was a sudden feeling, but for some reason, something had told Renji to get out of school immediately and go see Ichigo.

His chest was burning more than usual, and he could barely breathe as he ran to his car. His face was sweating, and Renji had discarded his jacket somewhere in the hall.

Why was he all of the sudden feeling this way? He would find out as soon as he saw the familiar orange-hair and those deep brown eyes that were filled with everything that Renji ever dreamed about.

He wanted to know so bad, that he didn't even care how fast he was going down the interstate.

**-.-.-.-**

Rukia pushed Ichigo away instantly, wiping her mouth and then falling onto the bed with her hands holding her face. She shook her head again, this time mumbling out "No." about every ten seconds. Nothing felt right at all about that kiss, and she had become overwhelmed by the feeling that Ichigo had put forth from it. It was nothing like she had wanted at all, the fact that she knew Ichigo felt something for someone else. It felt so wrong.

Ichigo felt his heart beating like it usually did whenever he thought of Renji, and he placed a hand over his chest out of confusion. He had no intentions of doing what he had just done, and it felt like he had betrayed Renji.

But how could he have betrayed him if he didn't even know that Ichigo felt so strong about him? What was it that made Ichigo want to kick himself, all for kissing Rukia? He kept telling himself that it was just to make her stop crying, but from the looks of it, all it did was make her crying worse.

"Rukia, listen... I'm sorry. I had no right."

"Ichigo... will you just tell me who it is that you like? Then maybe i can live with it and leave you alone. I know that's what you want, Ichigo, I don't really know why but..."

"I don't know what to tell you... I can't really... I just... Rukia..." Ichigo was at a loss for words, and he stood there, now, with his head bowed and his eyes mixed with confusion and anger.

"If i told you who i... you would just..."

Rukia shook her head, walking back closer to Ichigo, and placed a hand on his chest. She moved that hand, slowly but surely, across the man's chest and then over his shoulders. It traveled so slow that Ichigo stopped it in the middle of his collar and held it there. Rukia's eyes were dry now, and she smiled at him, "Ichigo. I love you."

Ichigo swallowed, merely nodding at Rukia and then letting go of her hand. He forced out a small smile back, just for the sake of her and then stroked her cheek, "I know you do."

"And i understand that you can't tell me who you like. I know that maybe it's not my business and you don't have to tell me... I just..."

**---Renji---**

He was finally at Ichigo's house, when he stopped in the driveway and stared at the large house. Ichigo's car sat in the driveway, and he looked at it too... wondering if he could get out of his own car and go to the door. He looked around the driveway, and saw a different object that he knew didn't belong to the male. It looked like a small bike, and Renji knit his brows together, "Rukia Kuchiki?"


	3. Thickening the Air I'm Breathing FINAL

**Thickening the Air (That I'm Breathing)**

**Summary: Renji wonders why Rukia Kuchiki is over at Ichigo's and goes to find out why. Will Renji snap at the image he absorbs when he walks up to Ichigo's room... even if it really nothing?**

Renji's eyes were wide at the sight of both Ichigo and Rukia Kuchiki close together in mid-embrace. Rukia turned her head sharply at the older male and couldn't help but blush a crimson color. She quickly pushed herself from Ichigo, wiping off her dress and covering her mouth, as if Renji knew about the kiss.

Ichigo swallowed hard, looking down at the floor in shame. His heart pounded hard in his chest, and he didn't have to look at Renji's face to see the confusion that played across his expression.

Renji shook his head and held onto the door frame, looking at them both, "I wanted to know why Rukia was here, but i guess..." he stopped himself, and closed his eyes tightly. Renji turned red then, and thrust himself into the room, approaching Ichigo and Rukia.

He grabbed Rukia by the shoulders and looked her directly in the eyes. She yelped at the way he pulled her close to him, trying to struggle her way out of his hands and run back to Ichigo. Her eyes filled with tears, mouth wobbling to try and tell him to let her go. "I guess i see why now..."

Ichigo took a step towards Renji, taking his arm in his hand and pulling it fro Rukia. Renji gave Ichigo a look of warning, but he neither hesitated or backed off. He would get Rukia away from Renji before the redhead accidentally did something stupid that he would regret later.

The orange-haired male looked up to his best friend, begging with his eyes for him to put down their other best friend and leave her out of it. Renji focused on those brown eyes, and knew he would never resist, but he didn't want to let Rukia go either, and he was at a point where he was stuck in a dilemma.

Ichigo continued pulling at Renji's arms, never giving up, but never really trying either. The determination in his eyes was strong, but in his chest, his heart was making him weak all over, wanting to beg Renji in the ways that he had dreamed. Those forsaken, forbidden and awfully painful dreams that were wished to become a reality for so long. Ichigo dreamed them all the time, and lived them out whenever he closed his eyes. The image of Renji was with him even when Renji was far away.

It was that burning in the chest that drove him insane with wonder for what it was really called. It wasn't love... was it? No... Ichigo thought to himself. He knew it was impossible for him to love Renji, and even if it was true he might deny it. Just for the sake of both him and his best friend.

"Renji. Please let her go. She doesn't concern you right now."

Renji closed his eyes, "She sure as hell does!" he yelled at Ichigo, pulling her closer to him and then holding her at his side and waving his other arm at the male, "What is she doing here?"

Ichigo shook his head at Renji, "Why does it matter? It's not like i invited her... she just came here! Am i not allowed to see her?"

They sounded like a couple, and that was what Renji was worried about. His lungs caught a rush and he got angrier at his friend.

Rukia was whimpering and crying, not trying to get away anymore. She had one of her hands over her face, catching her tears and wiping them away constantly when they fell. Renji shot a glance back at her for a moment, then looked back at Ichigo with his small dark eyes. He bit his lip harshly, swallowing when he couldn't find the words to speak any more. This left the redhead confused; confused to why whenever he looked at Kurosaki that he got the feeling he couldn't say anything more than was intended?

Why was it that he would go so far in his mind, but when he was face to face with the boy, he couldn't say anything in fear of hurting him, or pushing him away? Renji kicked himself in his mind, and looked away from him, down to the floor where he could still see the light image of Ichigo, and Rukia's crying face. It made his stomach turn, the feeling shooting through his throat and then back down to his chest. Renji let go of Rukia then, letting her fall back from him and run over to Ichigo, who took her into his arms and whispered into her ear. All the while, Ichigo stared at Renji, wondering why he was acting so strange. He would have to find out, even if that meant getting the fired up redhead alone somewhere... Ichigo felt his heart beat rise harder and faster than before at the thought of this, and turned his head away.

**-.-.-.-**

Ichigo looked at Renji from across the room, staring at him with arms folded over the chest that contained the still beating heart. He had let Rukia go home, but a little shakily. She never even looked back at Renji when she went, and was still crying a little bit when Ichigo saw her mount her bike.

Ichigo was, for one of the first times, mad at his best friend. His brown eyes traveled over his toned body several times, each time burning him deep and keeping him near out of breath. He was mad, yet nervous at having him so close in the same room. The anger seemed to make him want the older male a little more. A new found passion that would surely form later on.

Renji shifted on the large leather couch that was caddy-cornered next to a computer desk and the stereo. Ichigo's stereo. He flinched at seeing the male staring at him, wanting so much to tell him his secret right away.

After that performance, Renji would have no other choice but to at least explain just a little bit. The anxiety of doing so was killing Renji mentally, and soon he would be left without sanity.

"I can't believe you… I mean… seriously, Ren…" Ichigo breathed, gaining the potency to speak to the male and shake his head. Ichigo walked over into the living room, and sat himself down in the chair that was halfway across the room, a little further of a distance if it could have been calculated. He gave Renji a look of questioning when he didn't answer, and then realized that he hadn't even asked a question.

Renji sat there, turning his face away from the other male. He was avoiding any glances, no matter how hard it was for him to do so. His hands played with the zipper of his jacket, and teeth were grinding behind of his pursed lips. Why the hell was it so hard for him to keep looking away?

"You gonna talk to me? Tell me why you were like that towards Rukia when you don't even know what… or if we were doing anything?"

"Does it matter what I think? She likes you and sometimes I think you like her. So go out with her. Keep me sane and just give me time to realize that this could never be."

Ichigo felt a sort of indescribable confusion fill him. He leaned upwards in the chair, grasping the arms of it and pulling himself up. "What?"

Renji knew what he had said was the wrong thing, and there was no taking it back now. He swallowed hard, and immediately stood up, brushing himself off. He looked at Ichigo, and then away, "I… gotta go…"

Ichigo began shaking his head, as if it would prevent Renji from leaving him without him knowing the truth. He stood too, waving his hands at his sides in a sort of panic. He saw the way Renji struggled to make a decision, and saw the way he struggled to walk away or stay there.

"What did you mean, 'this could never be'?" he questioned to the redhead, tilting his head to the side with his brows knit close together. Ichigo's heart was pounding much like it had been a few minutes earlier… But this time it beat with the curiousness of what Renji had said meant.

"Nothing, forget it okay?" Renji stammered, fumbling over his words and walking a little closer to the front door. He was making it obvious, and that wasn't really good for him.

It was becoming a little more clear to the oldest Kurosaki, and he felt himself confident and brave. He would tell Renji, in whatever way that he could… He would tell him now, even if it meant fighting with him to stay there.

Ichigo approached the taller male then, and grabbed him by the arm. Renji looked over at Ichigo, glaring at him and trying to pull his arm away. The male was determined much like he had been before, and wasn't going to let Renji go until he got out the truth.

With a single move, Ichigo had Renji bent a little bit downwards, their faces only centimeters apart with Ichigo's hands holding Renji's neck and head. He breathed against Renji like he was a drug, and then pulled him that much closer, to where their lips met in an intimate kiss.

Renji gasped sharply, feeling the lips of Ichigo pressed against his like he had always dreamed. For that, he needed no other explanation, but just pulled Ichigo to him and kissed him back.

They stood there like that for what seemed like forever, pouring everything out of their minds into that one gesture. Renji was humming into the kiss and turning it more intimate than it had been moments ago, and Ichigo didn't seem to care, because he neither resisted or rejected. He just stood there, holding Renji by his jacket and lifting up to get more out of him than he was giving.

All of those thoughts, all the fantasies, were like memories that both of them shared together, and there was no way that they would let it be just a dream again. They were going to live it out and make it a reality, no matter what people told them or what they thought.

Renji and Ichigo knew that at some point they would want more than just the thoughts and the fantasies. They would want to be with each other, because after all that was what they wanted in the first place. Not just the dreams, but each other…

"I have always wanted you, Kurosaki…"

Ichigo pulled away from Renji and blushed, heart beating at a normal rate now that he was a little more comfortable being with the older male. He grinned a little bit, and then looked down.

Renji saw this and used his hand to lift Ichigo's face back to him, "…?"

"I never dreamed that this would happen."

**I hoped that you liked the ending! I think it turned out good but it coulda turned out a little better than that, I'm sure. This is my first story finished in 2009 and I can actually count it as a story. So Note to Kishiro: TAKE THAT AXEL!**

**Reviews?**


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